Your Questions

I think I might be pregnant

What should I do?

A pregnancy test is the best way to confirm if you are pregnant or not. It is a simple and quick procedure which detects the presence of a certain pregnancy hormone in your urine. Most pregnancy tests can be done from the first day of your missed period.

Where do I go for a pregnancy test?

You can visit The Gate for a pregnancy test, giving you the opportunity to have a private consultation with one of our trained advisors. She will be with you when you find out your result, giving you time and space to talk things through.

For your information, you can also carry out a pregnancy test at home (from £6 at any pharmacy). Also NHS health centres and some GPs can provide you with tests. Remember that a positive result may still be a shock to you, even if you thought you may be pregnant. For support, have someone you trust with you when you find out the result.

I've already done a pregnancy test and it's positive

You may be feeling very up and down about the result. Find out more about the support we provide at The Gate  (See 'I have an Unplanned Pregnancy' below to find out more).

What will happen in the appointment?

Your appointment will include a pregnancy test and the chance to discuss the results with one of trained volunteers, with a follow-up appointment available if necessary.

I Have an Unplanned Pregnancy

How can The Gate help me?

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be a huge shock; you may be feeling confused and worried or out of your depth. Maybe you face a situation that has no easy answer? Although you may feel pressure to make a quick decision, it is helpful to give yourself time and a chance to look at your options.

You may or may not have support from your partner, family and friends. Either way, it often helps to talk to someone outside of your situation who isn't caught up in the emotion of your unplanned pregnancy.

At The Gate we can help give you that time and a listening ear. We seek to provide a space to talk through your reactions and your options, a place where you can seek advice and receive sensitive, non-judgemental support from trained advisors. You are welcome to come back for another session if you need more time and support.

What are my options?

You have a choice to continue with the pregnancy or not. If you choose to continue with the pregnancy, you have the choice of parenting the child yourself or making an adoption plan for your baby. If you choose not to continue with the pregnancy we can put you in contact with other agencies and support your decision.

What support is available for me after I make my decision?

Should you choose to continue your pregnancy either for parenting or releasing for adoption but feel you need support, we would seek to find you a befriender. This is someone who you can meet up with every couple of weeks to share how things are going and to have someone help you with the steps you need to take. This relationship can continue for up to a year after the baby is born.

Should you choose to have an abortion please see the 'I have had an abortion' section to see what help is available.

How long will my appointment be and can I come more than once?

Each appointment lasts up to 50 minutes with the opportunity to book further appointments as you need. All appointments are free.

Can my partner/friend come with me?

Your partner/friend is welcome to accompany you to The Gate but the appointment itself will just be one-on-one. However if they wish to book their own appointment they would be more than welcome to do so.

My Partner is Pregnant

Feeling out of your depth?

You may be in shock, you may feel angry or you may feel ok about it. You may feel way out of your depth and desperate to fix the situation. Whatever you’re feeling we are here to give you the space to process your reactions and help you explore the options.

What can I do to support my partner?

Find out what your partner is expecting of you.

Many men feel at a loss about how to support their partner when facing an unplanned pregnancy. It's important that you take joint responsibility and communicate with your partner. Firstly, listen to her thoughts, then whatever you've heard talk about your thoughts on the way forward. Be honest with her and yourself, but don't pressurise.

Stand with your partner as much as you are able to, rather than allowing tension and conflict to come between you.

Help her to look at all the information available on her options, so she can make an informed decision.

Do I have any rights?

As a prospective father, even if you are married, you have no legal rights to prevent or insist upon abortion or continuing the pregnancy.

Where can I get help?

Visit The Gate to give you the opportunity to talk things through with a male trained advisor.

I Have Had an Abortion

Why might I require support following an abortion?

Following an abortion people can find themselves facing mixed emotions, whether or not they felt it was the right decision. Below are some of the emotions and reactions people can be faced with:

  • Numbness, guilt, grief, anger, anxiety or confusion
  • Find it difficult to be near other babies or pregnant women
  • Preoccupation with the circumstances
  • A feeling of distance from or over-protectiveness of existing children
  • Inability to maintain normal routine
  • Sadness/tearfulness
  • Sleeping problems/tiredness
  • Flashbacks
  • Relationship tensions or breakdown

If this is you, The Gate can offer you support in this place and take you on a journey towards post-abortion recovery.

What help is there for me?

At THE GATE we offer a one-to-one recovery programme if you've had an abortion. Our Trained Advisors are able to walk alongside you through 'The Journey' programme, to offer support, encouragement, affirmation and guidance. Taking you step by step, they look at the deeper emotions affecting you. Part of the recovery process involves a change of thinking and attitude - 'We can't change the past, we don't know the future, but we can change the way we think.'

'The Journey' programme is not a quick fix, but a way of connecting with deeper feelings in your heart, that can often be suppressed. Before starting the programme, we would need to assess your situation and decide whether 'The Journey' is the right programme for you at this time.

Does it matter when I had my abortion?

No. Whether your abortion was recent or many years ago you can seek support from The Gate.

What can I expect when I first come in?

When someone is interested in our support following abortion we arrange an initial 30 minute appointment for you to find out more about the Journey and for us to hear a little of your story. If following that appointment we both felt the Journey would work for you, we would work out the best advisor to place you with, who you would then see once a week as you work your way through the 10 steps, looking at telling your story, exploring different emotions and getting to the point of looking at the way ahead. Each of these sessions will be 50 minutes.

I am struggling following a miscarriage.

How could The Gate support me?

 

Dealing with the shock and sadness of a miscarriage can bring feelings of grief, loss, anger, guilt and depression.

You may not know how to process or cope with all these deeply felt emotions. Sometimes talking to someone outside of your situation can be helpful in coming to terms with your loss. If you think this could be helpful The Gate is here to offer you one or two sessions to talk through your painful experience. If you would like further support, the Gate can offer you the Journey for miscarriage, which is a ten step programme looking at the deeper emotions affecting you.

The Gate seeks to provide a safe space to enable you to face the future with more hope and strength. We want to help give you that time; time to be heard and offered support from sensitive, non-judgemental trained advisors.

 

Does it matter when I had my miscarriage

No. Whether your miscarriage was recent or many years ago you can seek support from The Gate.

I am struggling following my partner's miscarriage.

How could the Gate support me?

Following a partner’s pregnancy loss those close often find themselves facing difficult or complex emotions. This can lead to an adverse effect on your relationship.

After a miscarriage you may be struggling to understand what happened and why.

The Gate is a place where you can go to get the time and space to process your experiences with trained advisors of the same gender.

I am struggling following my partner's abortion

How could the Gate support me?

Following a partner’s pregnancy loss those close often find themselves facing difficult or complex emotions. This can lead to an adverse effect on your relationship.

After an abortion you could struggle to understand the decision that was made in the past, whether or not you were a part of the decision-making process. Maybe that decision has had a deep, lasting effect on you.

The Gate is a place where you can go to get the time and space to process your experiences with trained advisors of the same gender.





Please note that we are not able to refer directly for termination. We offer clients information on all the options and are well-resourced to provide both immediate and long term support as necessary, directing to other agencies as appropriate.